The Basics of the Divorce Process

There are multiple ways to get divorced, and the best option depends on your situation, goals, level of conflict, and finances.

Summary: The Basics of the Divorce Process

Every state has different divorce laws, but regardless of where you live, the ultimate goal is to reach an agreement about your children, finances, and future. There are several different ways to get divorced, each with its own benefits, costs, and level of professional involvement.

The Five Most Common Divorce Paths

Pro Se Divorce/DIY Divorce/Kitchen Table Divorce

A pro se divorce means you complete the divorce without hiring an attorney. This is typically the least expensive option and works best when both spouses agree on all major issues. Even in amicable situations, it is wise to have an attorney review the final agreement before filing.

Divorce Mediation

In mediation, a neutral mediator helps couples negotiate and resolve disagreements. The mediator does not represent either spouse but facilitates productive discussions. Mediation is often one of the most cost-effective and efficient divorce options and works best when both parties are willing to negotiate in good faith.

Collaborative Divorce

In a collaborative divorce, each spouse hires a specially trained collaborative attorney and commits to resolving issues outside of court. Additional professionals, such as financial specialists or mental health professionals, may be involved. This process promotes cooperation but can be more expensive than mediation.

Negotiated Divorce

In a negotiated divorce, each spouse hires an attorney who works directly with the other attorney to reach a settlement. This approach can be effective when legal guidance is needed, but costs can increase as attorney involvement grows. If negotiations fail, the case may proceed to court.

Litigated Divorce

Litigation is the traditional court-based divorce process. If spouses cannot reach an agreement, a judge ultimately makes the decisions. Litigation is generally the most expensive, time-consuming, and stressful option, but it may be necessary in high-conflict cases or when significant disputes cannot be resolved through other methods.

What Must Be Resolved in Every Divorce?

Every divorce requires two major areas of agreement:

Parenting Issues

• Legal custody (who makes decisions for the children)
• Residential custody (where the children live)
• Parenting schedules and responsibilities

Financial Issues

• Division of assets and debts
• Child support
• Spousal support (alimony)
• Responsibility for professional fees and other expenses

Professionals Who May Help

Depending on your situation, your divorce team may include attorneys, mediators, divorce coaches, therapists, co-parenting counselors, financial professionals, accountants, real estate professionals, insurance specialists, and parenting coordinators. The right support team can help you make informed decisions, reduce conflict, and navigate the process more effectively.

Key Takeaway

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to divorce. The best path depends on your goals, the level of conflict, the complexity of your finances, and your ability to work with your spouse. Understanding your options and building the right professional team can help you move through divorce more efficiently, reduce unnecessary stress, and create a better outcome for yourself and your children.