Should I Get A Divorce?

You married your spouse believing this was the person you’d be with forever. Divorce likely never crossed your mind. But over time, the fights increased. You began to feel lonely even when together or angry much of the time. Maybe you're not fighting but feel completely disconnected. You may have experienced resentment, shame, sadness, and frustration. These are common emotions for couples in distress.

Now you’re asking yourself:

Should I get a divorce… or try to save my marriage?

Making the decision to divorce is scary. You probably find yourself going back and forth. Some days you feel certain it’s the right decision, and other days you question everything. That kind of internal conflict is completely normal. You’re making a life decision that impacts your emotions, your family, your finances, and your future. It feels heavy.

One of the most important things you can do early on is slow down your decision-making. Strong emotions like anger, loneliness, resentment, or fear can make everything feel urgent. But divorce is not a decision that you can make quickly. Creating space to think clearly, rather than react, can help you make a choice you’ll feel more confident about in the long-term. This might mean talking with a therapist or divorce coach who can help you separate your emotions from your decision-making, so you can see things more clearly.

It’s also important to take an honest look at your relationship. Ask yourself whether there is still emotional connection beneath the conflict. Many relationships go through difficult periods, and sometimes what feels like a breaking point is actually a prolonged low point that hasn’t been addressed. If there are still moments of connection, respect, or care, it may be worth exploring whether the relationship can be repaired with the right support.

At the same time, you want to be realistic. If the relationship has been consistently unhealthy for a long time, or if you feel emotionally shut down, disconnected, or chronically unhappy, that’s important information too. The goal is to understand the truth of your situation.

Here are some important questions to ask yourself:

• Do I still have feelings for my partner, even if they’re buried under conflict?
• Is this a temporary difficult phase, or has the relationship been this way for a long time?
• Have we genuinely tried to work on the relationship (therapy, communication, effort)?
• Am I considering divorce because I’m ready—or because I’m frustrated and want change?
• Can I take responsibility for my role in the relationship dynamics?
• What am I hoping will be different if I divorce?

Another key step is to think beyond the relationship itself and consider what life will actually look like after divorce. This is where many people avoid going deep enough. Divorce doesn’t just end a relationship, it creates a new reality.

You might reflect on:

• Would I rather be alone than stay in this relationship?
• How would I handle the emotional experience of being on my own?
• Do I have a support system in place?
• If I have children, how will I manage co-parenting and ongoing contact with my ex?
• What kind of relationship do I want with my co-parent long-term?

Finances are another critical piece that you're probably considering. Understanding your financial picture can help you make a more grounded decision. Many people worry because they hear things about divorce from their friends or on social media. Speaking with a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst or a divorce coach will help you get answers that are based on reality and not rumors.

It’s also important to be mindful of how you talk about divorce in your relationship. Repeatedly threatening divorce without meaning it can damage trust and create instability. If you’re not truly ready to move forward, it’s more helpful to focus on addressing the issues in the relationship rather than using divorce as leverage. A couples counselor can be helpful in this situation.

If you’re still unsure, a helpful exercise is to write two lists:

• What is working or has been meaningful in this relationship?
• What feels broken, missing, or needs to change?

Ultimately, there is no perfect moment when you’ll feel 100% certain. But there is a difference between making a decision from a reactive, emotional place and making one from a thoughtful, informed, and supported place.

Whether you choose to work on your relationship or move toward divorce, having the right support can help you move forward with more clarity, confidence, and peace of mind.