Lowering the Temperature in Divorce

Strategies to Reduce Drama and Cost

Negotiate before filing to avoid court deadlines, formal discovery expenses, and the adversarial tone of litigation.
File first only when necessary, such as when there is a risk a spouse will stop providing financial support, which starts the clock for alimony or child support.
Choose an attorney based on goals, not aggression; "bulldog" attorneys often take control of the process and may not prioritize the client's specific objectives.
Set communication boundaries, such as delaying responses to angry texts and scheduling consolidated meetings instead of multiple emails to reduce billable time.
Focus on strategy over reactivity by identifying non-negotiable needs versus areas for compromise and understanding the spouse's priorities.

Attorney-Client Relationship Expectations

Clients have the ultimate say in the intention and outcome of their case.
Attorneys should provide guidance on whether requests are reasonable and likely to be granted by a judge, such as not fighting for college payments in Maryland where judges typically do not award them.
Responsiveness varies by practice type; litigators may be less responsive during negotiation phases because there are no court-imposed deadlines.
A good attorney asks about goals during the initial consultation rather than only discussing what they can do or what the client "should" fight for.

Professional Support Roles

Divorce coaches help clients move past emotion to define post-divorce goals and frame pointed questions for their attorneys.
Certified Divorce Financial Analysts (CDFAs) are recommended for:
- Educating the non-financial spouse.
- Handling complicated assets like restricted stock units or deferred compensation.
- Determining reasonable alimony or child support when there are substantial income differences.
Mediators can help parties reach agreements, but it is strongly recommended that an attorney reviews any agreement before signing to ensure terms are understood and accurately captured.

Final Advice

Choose your battles by focusing on what matters most (financial, legal, or custody) and being willing to negotiate on less critical items.
Explore all process options, including mediation, collaborative divorce, or settlement negotiation, to find the best fit for the situation.
Stay organized and gather financial information early, as this is necessary regardless of the chosen process.

You can contact Cary Jacobson at https://jacobsonfamilylaw.com

Jacobson Family Law · Maryland, DC & Virginia ·