3 Smart Moves to Prepare for Mediation

Smart Move 1: Know what you’re asking for

This sounds obvious until you’re sitting across from your soon-to-be-ex and realize you haven’t thought it through. The details matter more than you’d expect.

• Start with your finances: Gather all of your important financial documents, understand assets and debts and create a budget so you know what you need to live on going forward
• Where will you live: Can one of you buy the other out of the house or will you need to sell it?
• What about the kids: What parenting schedule works best for your family? Look closely at their ages, their temperament, and their schedules. A preschooler whose parents haven’t agreed on whether she’s even supposed to be in school yet is a different situation than a teenager with a packed activities calendar.

Smart Move 2: Know what your victory looks like

Victory in divorce is not about winning. It's about walking away with an agreement that you can live with that works for both of you.

• Know what's important to you: what's important to one person isn't important to someone else. Don't listen to other people, listen to your own intuition to determine your priorities.
• Protect stability: Maybe your victory is getting through this without your kids losing their school, their friends, or their sense of stability.
• Aim for functionality: Maybe it’s ending up with a co-parenting relationship functional enough that you can ask a yes-or-no question and get an actual answer.
• Stay anchored: Take care of yourself so that you can think clearly throughout the process.

Smart Move 3: Know what professionals you need on your team

A mediator coordinates your process. But you might need other professionals in your corner, depending on what’s on the table.

• A CDFA (Certified Divorce Financial Analyst) to help you understand what your retirement actually looks like post-split.
• A Divorce Mediator to help you through some of the more complicated parts of the negotiations.
• A Family Law Attorney to answer your legal questions and to look over your agreement.
• A CPA if you’ve committed to keeping kids in private school but have no idea how to make that math work across two households.
• A therapist or coach for yourself, so you can keep moving through the process rather than getting stuck in it.
• A Certified Divorce Lending Professional to help you get financing for your home.